Friday, September 17, 2010

Where have you gone Dave Winfield

You can't own property in Canberra. You can only lease it for 99 years. Strangely enough this does not mean that housing prices are lower, in fact, they are quite insane. I'm not sure what the justification is for this legal loophole but after only 8 months I think I am getting to the bottom of the mystery. You can't buy land in Canberra because it is already owned by an insidious cartel of abusive creatures called "magpies".

We are now in the middle of magpie swooping season which means that women, children and 225 lb middle age Canadian men are all in danger of being swooped, pecked and eaten by black and white projectiles flying through the air at breakneck speeds. It is enough to make one leave the house every morning with a 4 iron, but before you even think about it... the Magpie is protected, and believe you me - they know it. There is nothing like the look on a magpies face when then tease over your head, land at you feet, stride over to your toes and glare into your eyes as if to say "just try it".

The survival technique displayed by the non protected species who must live in constant fear of the magpies (humans), is to tie "twist ties" and pipe cleaners to the tops of their hats and helmets, hoping that the dreaded beast will only dive bomb to the very top of the protrusion; thus narrowly missing any vital organs. As a defence mechanism it is brilliant as a fashion statement it is quite ridiculous.

Well I'm off for a quick bike ride. I take my life into my hands, and would like this blog as proof that should I not make it to my destination in one piece, I intend to leave every penny to the magpie protection agency, the master must be served...on second thought where's my tennis racket.

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