Monday, June 30, 2014


My son has been damaged by a recent documentary about the rock band "Rush" detailing their Southern Ontario roots from the 1970's. It was an hour of mullets and heavy glam rock that left the poor boy shaking from head to toe. The styles, the music, the ambiguous sexuality of it all was too much to take. When he woke up the next morning he asked me how anyone from the era could have seen this as interesting, desirable or in any way sensible.

I smiled. Though I reminded him that maybe, just maybe he would look back 40 years from now with similar disdain for the current cultural and fashion trends. Then he uttered the most innocent and misguided proclamation - Tell me one thing from my generation that I will look back on with shame?

My dear child!
  • Tattoos - the only socially acceptable reason for having a tattoo involves warfare or some similar bonding experience that compels one to place the insignia of their platoon or honored group on their left arm. A 20 inch depiction of a spider growing out of ones buttocks just because it looks cool, makes you only one thing - a victim to fashion
  • Flat top baseball hats (pictured) - It is a look that is pretty difficult to pull off, the best at it is Ricky Fowler and he looks ridiculous. Gas station "snap backs" that say HORNY on the front will never come back in style - trust me
  • Over-sized sun glasses - ladies, it's just not working. Not sure what look you're going for here but I am here to inform you that you look like a gigantic bullfrog eyeing up a tse tse fly. I imagine that they must look different in the mirror and through some strange optical illusion you believe you look normal, news for you, you don't
  • Yoga Pants - They are leggings people, not pants, other than a few athlete type, they're not for you - this is a public service announcement intended for the 1 million women currently running errands around the city of Vancouver wearing lulu gear
  • #loser#pretentious#getalife#enoughalready#stopit#thisisridiculous#whatthehellareyoutryingtosay#Idon'tunderstand#hash#tag#hashtag
  • Falsies - no not those, I'm talking about empty eye-glass frames - a word to those 20 something year old athletes that wear them; how about I rock a pair of non supportive crutches because I want to be cool like a 40 year old ex athlete that hobbles around life without the use of their ACLs
  • Twilight -the novel, the sequel, the movies - "vampires" Transylvania meets Pennsylvania, that's a thing? - what were you thinking
  • Home ownership - if some can convince me that home ownership makes any sense whatsoever in today's market, please enlighten me. It worked for the baby boomers when they retired with household incomes worth 5 times their initial mortgages but if you think that your going to purchase that $400,000 dream home because you'll be pulling in a cool $2 million a year when the calendar hits 2035, you've been hoodwinked, duped, run amok, bamboozled, swindled, ....., #trustme.

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