Monday, January 5, 2015

The Presidential Nine

Eight hour car ride from Baltimore, Maryland to Gatlinburg, Tennessee and somehow the conversation turned to U.S. Presidents. No, it's not what you think; nothing about politics, social policies or foreign affairs. It was the irreverent "Rice Family" treatment.

Hence, I give you the hotly debated starting lineup for the Presidential Baseball Club, courtesy of the Rice's. Do other families engage in these quirky diversions....

Starting Lineup

1. Andrew Jackson CF
Speedy lead off hitter with limited power but on base all day long. Cool Name. The guy is clutch, we call him "Money".

2. Barack Obama 1B
Slick fielding first baseman. Super hitter, always on base. Most popular guy on the team.

3. George Washington 3B
A stud. Team leader, perennial gold-glover and offensive dynamo.

4. William Taft DH
Slowest guy in the league, but man can he hit bombs.

5. Ronald Reagan RF
No surprise we'd find him in right. Bonus baby with big potential who talks a great game.

6. Teddy Roosevelt LF
Under-rated. We named the park after him but our Manager took the credit.

7. Richard Nixon C
All catch, no hit backstop. Wears the tools of ignorance well.

8. John F. Kennedy SS
His father got him on the team so we had to give him the best position.

9. Dwight Eisenhower 2B
All heart. He finally made a baseball team after getting cut at West Point.

SP. Abraham Lincoln
Bulldog. No quit in him, big game pitcher.

RP. Lyndon Johnson
We never have to go to the bullpen often but when we do, why not hand the ball to a 6'4" sociopath with unclear motives.

PH. Gerald Ford
Only comes off the bench, never a starter.

MGR. Franklin D. Roosevelt
Master Strategist noted for inspirational speeches,though truthfully, the team doesn't listen well.

Other Notables:

G.H.W. Bush - came in like he owned the place but we had to cut him for our sanity

Bill Clinton - overslept and missed the tryouts, comes to all the socials though

G.W. Bush - couldn't pick up the signals

Woodrow Wilson - Scorekeeper

Jimmy Carter - Concessions

Thomas Jefferson - too smart to be a ballplayer

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